The Construct of Silence

I used to be uncomfortable 
with silence among others. 
Sitting and not saying a single 
word was my personal hell. 
To be honest, it still can be. 
Why aren't they saying anything?
Is it that hard to start a conversation? 
Say, hi.....no, that's too much. 

I once went on a hike 
with my family, and my sister 
pointed out how much 
I was constantly filling the air 
with my own voice. 
Stop talking and enjoy the silence 
was her advice to me as  
we were descending the 
mountain (hill). 

I didn't know how to do 
that, for I didn't realize 
 how much I was talking. 
 I was resisting the quiet
 humans often label as 
"awkward silence."

 Since that eyeopening 
 moment,  I've become more 
 comfortable with hearing nothing 
when with a group of people. 
The natural instinct is to say
 something because we deem
 it's better than saying nothing 
and feeling uncomfortable 
about losing precious time. 

I've been building awareness 
about feeling comfortable
 with the uncomfortableness 
that comes along 
with the construct of silence. 
Silence in my car 
alone with my thoughts 
is another monster I have yet 
to tackle.  

When the radio doesn't work, 
I become annoyed. 
I'd rather hear something
 with a beat than listen 
to the same worries 
 on repeat. 
My thoughts are jumbled, 
writing allows me to straighten 
them out. 

Conquering silence is a lifelong 
battle between being 
 unaware of how much you're 
 saying to fill the air 
 to being too aware 
that any sound 
 can make you question 
 who is actually there, 
listening to the buzzing 
in your brain when the radio 
isn't working.