Mikey And Me

Mikey
Sitting in the shade with Mikey
on the back deck.
I'm reading a book,
he's under my legs.
He looks so peaceful
drifting in and out of sleep.
I sip my chai latte
and watch pollen 
float through the air.
One lands on my cat,
another lands on my dress.
I cover my cup to protect my drink.
Mikey wakes when birds chirp
or children scream.
An airplane flies overhead
that I cannot see.

What I’ve Been Clicking On – Part 6

  1. Vogue Magazine – The 15 LGBTQ+ Books We’re Most Excited About This Year
  2. The New York Times – A Recharged New York, Through Young Eyes
  3. The New York Times – New York Is Back. Now It Has a Second Chance
  4. The New York Times – A Summer of Reading
  5. Substack – Hot Divorcée Summer
  6. Substack – A bit of work by Patti Smith
  7. Elle Magazine – Shelf Life: Ashley C. Ford
  8. Edward Hopper, Summer Evening, 1947
  9. Paris Review – How to Write By Anne Waldman
  10. there must be one thing you can’t have in order to be alive by Jon-Michael Frank

Summer

I love how summer returns you to yourself – Alex Dimitrov

Summer is approaching.
The warm air has returned.
I'm happy taking photos of flowers
and staying outside for hours.
This is when I can breathe
without worrying about
my lungs freezing.
I pay attention
while getting lost
in my thoughts,
it's a balancing act
I can never fully figure out.

What I’ve Been Clicking On – Part 5

  1. New York Times – Transport Yourself With a Literary Escape This Summer
  2. LA Times – How Hailee Steinfeld learned to open up by playing poet Emily Dickinson
  3. Vogue – Shawn Mendes on How Meditation Has Transformed His Relationship—And His Sense of Self
  4. YouTube – Olivia Rodrigo – A Short Film (Vevo LIFT)
  5. Instagram – The Cast of Friends on Zoom
  6. Netflix – The Center Will Not Hold, A Documentary on Joan Didion
  7. Calm App – a meditation on setting social media boundaries
  8. Twitter – where was her origin story
  9. Twitter – HAPPY PRIDE MONTH FROM ME AND MY CAT
  10. Twitter – from Lisel Mueller’s “Why We Tell Stories”

What I’ve Been Clicking On – Part 4

  1. “Alison, can you explain what Internet is?”
  2. This donkey is reunited with the girl who raised it.
  3. Kristen Radtke Considers Another American Epidemic: Loneliness
  4. This Bodega Cat
  5. This Is Us in Chronological Order
  6. A tweet that made me laugh.
  7. Ariana Grande’s Beautiful Wedding
  8. Your Friend Doesn’t Want the Vaccine. What Do You Say?
  9. Tidbits from The Friends Reunion
  10. Kendall Jenner Opens Up About Anticipatory Anxiety

Self-Love

Noun.

I’m no longer willing to sit in my past
watching everything I did wrong pass by me.
Instead of feeling shame, I'm choosing love.
It's a choice that has to be made often
but it gets easier the more I'm aware of
how I'm talking to myself.

I'm choosing to give myself love by
living in the present.
When I get caught up in an anxious
thought, I respond with forgiveness
instead of judgment.

I sit outside as often
as I can because I feel better.
When I sit outside, I'm present.
I feel the warm air on my skin,
I breathe in the alluring
smells of nearby flowers.
I can sit with a book and
be totally happy.

What I’ve Been Clicking On – Part 3

  1. Oliva Rodrigo’s Sour
  2. Oprah and Prince Harry’s Apple TV+ show about mental health.
  3. Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes’ Calm Series
  4. This incredible conversation with Brene Brown and Ashley C. Ford.
  5. This insightful conversation between Prince Harry on Armchair Expert.
  6. Demi Lovato coming out as non-binary
  7. This photo of Milo Ventimiglia directing an episode of This Is Us and Mandy Moore in old-age makeup.
  8. Kaia Gerber on the summer cover of Vogue.
  9. An article from the New York Times about fully-vaccinated people choosing to keep their masks on.
  10. Storms can looks beautiful.

Ten Years

5.21.11

I recently came across a photo I posted on Facebook ten years ago. I took the photo on Photo Booth ten days before getting jaw surgery. It’s clear in the photo how prominent my lower jaw was in front of my upper jaw. I had a mouth full of braces, that’s why I’m not smiling. I look at this photo and I can feel the anxiety and anticipation of what’s to come.

While I had talked to a few people about their experience with jaw surgery and the surgeons told me what to expect, I went in pretty unaware of the reality of getting jaw surgery. I got fluid in my lungs when they were pulling the ventilator out and I had to be on oxygen for a month (I have COPD from being born three months early so fluid in my lungs quite difficult). My jaw was numb for 2/3 months after my jaw surgery. I still don’t have feeling on one side of my chin. My mom had to blend up potatoes and chicken broth so I would come down for dinner. I survived on smoothies for a while.

After my jaw surgery, I wasn’t taught how to move my jaw. I spent the eight years with so much tension in my jaw because I was scared to move it and mess something up. Then I developed TMJ and had to go to physical therapy. The physical therapist taught me how to move my jaw and relax the muscles in my jaw and neck. He said everyone who has jaw surgery should be sent to PT after they’re healed to learn how to move their jaw properly so they’re not as stiff as I was.

5.21.21

Earlier this year, I had to get a root canal on a tooth that had died. The root of the tooth had become a sliver of its former self. My dentist told me this can happen 10-15 years after surgery. Another thing I didn’t know could happen because of jaw surgery. Luckily, the tooth wasn’t hurting at all. Although, I was warned I had to have this root canal because if I lost the tooth, it would mess up my jaw and all the work that was put into getting it the way it is. Thankfully, that didn’t happen.

While there have been some unexpected detours after the fact, I’m grateful I had jaw surgery. I can speak cleary. I feel more comfortable. After learning how to move my jaw, I’m able to eat on both sides of my mouth. It was a very difficult summer of healing but it was so worth it.