Brain Reset

It feels like her brain constantly resets. 
That's the best way I can understand it.

To watch the ones you love become
different people is disheartening.
It's the disease they have that causes
them to revert to children or toddlers
depending on how bad it is.

You love them but it's difficult to watch.
It's difficult to hear them repeat themselves
and wonder who they are and why they're here.

It's like their brain has returned to factory settings,
only remember the bare minimum
when it comes to those they love
because it's stored in the cloud of their brain,
which will eventually fade away.

Disappeared

It’s clear to me that seasons no longer exist. They only exist as dates on a calendar, marking the passage of time. The rest has faded away to a time and place the planet no longer knows. We’ve had at least five major snow storms in the last two months. It’s autumn, where leaves are supposed to be falling. Normally, snow begins around the middle of November. But this year, expectations for normalcy have disappeared. We’re left with feet of snow as colored leaves dangle from frozen trees.

The Case of Misunderstanding

The intention of the message is lost,
causing both sides to bicker and banter.
Perspective impacts opinion and causes
emotions to cloud one's judgment.

Person one says something to person two.
Person two takes what person one said to heart
and accuses person one of meaning something
they didn't because the communication wasn't clear.

This causes both parties to escalate their stances,
which leads to getting outside parties involved
because the communication is seemingly too messy
for either party to resolve the issue on their own.

Outsiders don't know the full story,
and often their biases show
who they're for and who they're against
within moments of hearing one perspective.

It's a case of misunderstanding,
when someone's been hurt too many times,
they can't speak without pain being present,
which causes nothing to be solved.

Before I Had the Language

Before I had the language 
to understand and articulate,
I just had the feeling.

I was twelve,
sitting in my sixth-grade classroom,
looking down at what I had written.

These words seem to have come out of nowhere,
like magic.

I looked around the room
and realized no one could tell
how I was feeling.

I didn't know anything about poetry
and yet, I had written a poem.

It was about how life is like a game
and you just have to go along
with the surprises you encounter.

I read the poem over and over again,
amazed I was capable of writing something so quickly.

Now I have the language,
to share and articulate
what I was feeling.

When I know I've written something
good that's worth sharing,
I experience that feeling.

My stomach fills with butterflies,
the hair on my arm stands straight up.

I'm reminded why I love writing
and why I must take the ideas that come to me
to express what I'm feeling.

Life is like a game
everywhere you look is a surprise.

I didn't know when I wrote these words
what I was feeling
or that I would become a writer.

I just knew when those two lines popped into my brain,
I had to write them down as quickly as I could,
before they could escape.

Winter Arrived in October

I watch the snowfall for a third time this month.
I can't remember the last time it snowed
three times before Halloween.
But here I am, watching it float down once more.

It stopped snowing in late May,
only to return in early October.

Is this just a weird year?
The new normal?
A sign of how climate change has impacted the weather?
All of the above?

Winter over stayed it's welcome,
and arrived just as the leaves were turning colorful.

While I appreciate the snow
when it doesn't stick to the roads,
I'll be curious to know
how these shifts will impact future generations.

Stiff Upper Lip

I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately. Last week, I shared a blog post about how powerful words can be. A few days ago, I published an essay about how important it is to be aware of the power of your words when sharing online.

I wrote the essay after watching a preview clip of Meghan Markle’s interview. She discussed how the British tabloids have impacted her life and how difficult this journey has been. Yesterday, another clip from Markle’s interview was released. In the new clip, she discusses how she tried to adopt the British’s “stiff upper lip” but revealed that “what that does internally is probably really damaging.” 

I like that Meghan Markle acknowledges this in the interview because it humanizes her. It’s refreshing to see her open up. I think it’s important that she acknowledged there’s damage in pretending everything is fine when it’s not. Her choosing in that moment to be honest about the difficulties she endures shows why it’s important not to allow your emotions to get lost in the craziness of life.

All too often, we’re told to swallow our feelings and go about life as though everything is fine. In actuality, everyone has something they’re going through. That doesn’t mean you have to tell every single person your life problems. But you don’t have to pretend like everything is fine around those who care about you and are there for you. Feeling emotions is often seen as weak. But feeling emotions doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. When things are hard, processing emotions by allowing yourself to feel them is better than not letting anyone know you’re hurt and swallowing your tears.

At the end of the clip that was released yesterday, Meghan Markle mentioned how she takes things day by day because that’s all she can do. That’s what we can all do, take it one day at a time.

Something Meaningful

When I was a kid, I used to express my opinion to the other kids as though what I had to say would somehow be useful to them. I was speaking in the way children often copy adults. I didn’t know the gravity of the words I was using. I just knew they made me feel like what I was saying held meaning. I felt important when giving life advice to other 6th graders on the playground next to the jungle gym as one girl hung upside down on a steel bar.

I can’t recall what I said to those kids but the feeling that my words could mean something to others stuck. Besides the fact that I have a stutter, I thought if I paid close enough attention to what the adults around me were saying, I would be able to harness that meaningful feeling while handing out life advice I knew nothing about.

In retrospect, it’s clear to me that I was always meant to be a writer. As a kid and throughout my teen years, I would make up stories in my head. The stories began with me doing things I would never be able to do in my real life, like owning a silver Volkswagen Beetle at age 9 and drive it around the neighborhood, be best friends with Britney Spears and Hilary Duff, or have a horse of my own that I’d love and take a care of. As I got older, I fell out of the stories as the protagonist. Instead, I would choose other people to be my characters and come up with stories that way.

I think I’ve subconsciously always tried to feel as though my words mean something. Not because of how I speak, but because I’ve always known that words are powerful. What you say or write can impact someone else’s life. Words allow you to express what you’re feeling and what you think, it’s kind of mindblowing when you stop and think about it.

With my writing, my main objective is to get people to slow down and think outside their perspective. I want people to appreciate life more because it is so precious. People can get lost in the busyness of their daily lives. Words are powerful. How you use them will impact whoever comes into contact with what you share. Remember that.