“I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” – Joan Didion
The scariest thing about taking a risk is jumping off the cliff.
You’re not sure if you will know how to fly as you say goodbye.
The view is beautiful but also leaves you in a state of shock.
It’s only when you jump, will you know you will fly farther than you’ll fall.
Yesterday, it was reported Demi Lovato was rushed to the hospital because of an overdose. Some were reporting it was a heroin overdose. No matter what it was, hearing this news broke my heart. I’ve been a fan of Demi’s for over a decade and her music has really helped in times where I didn’t have strength. Through her songs, I found a place where I could be vulnerable and acknowledge some of my problems I was facing at the time. She gave strength when I needed it. She was a friend when it felt like I didn’t have anyone else. Demi really helped me through some difficult times.
Last month, Demi released a song called Sober. The chorus and the last few lines left me in tears.
Momma, I’m so sorry, I’m not sober anymore
And daddy, please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor
To the ones who never left me
We’ve been down this road before
I’m so sorry, I’m not sober anymore
I’m sorry that I’m here again
I promise I’ll get help
It wasn’t my intention
I’m sorry to myself
I remember where I was when I first heard this song. I was driving south, the Rocky Mountains to my right. It was a hot summer day in June and the blue sky was almost a teal color with tiny clouds scattered above me. It was a moment where I didn’t feel as though I was focused on what was ahead. I was too busy playing the song on repeat, trying to remember the moment, thinking I would one day write about it. I don’t know why I thought this. And I never thought I’d be sharing this story now.
No one knows what someone else is going through. No one knows just how deep people’s demons can drag them. No one knows what’s going on internally. It’s scary to work through your problems. It’s difficult to ask for help. Sometimes it takes going to the bottom, where you think no one can see you in order to want to begin working your way back to the light. Inner demons can do a lot of harm. Reach out to the people you love and make sure they’re okay. If you see someone struggling, ask if they’re okay or go and find someone that can help. Look out for one another.
Demi’s family released a statement saying how thankful they are for all the love and support Demi has been getting. Life is a long road that can end sooner than you think. Fortunately, Demi is still alive. My heart goes out to her and anyone who is struggling with addiction.
You’re not alone.
Suicide: 1-800-273-TALK
Self Harm: 1-800-366-8288
Addiction: 1-800-662-4357
Eating Disorders: 1-800-931-2237
Domestic Violence: 1-800-799-SAFE
Grief: 1-800-395-5755
Summer wind is unique. Its warm feeling can either comfort us or make us want to scream. It’s different in every place and depending on how you feel about this season, the wind will either make or break you.
I tend to be indifferent towards the summer wind. Some days, it reminds me of my childhood and other days I feel as though I’m living in hell. It’s normally the latter.
As I’ve gotten older, I have felt less positive about the heat. I grew up in Arizona and I didn’t think much about the heat. I’d run around barefoot in my neighborhood, staying outside until the sun disappeared past the horizon. I had tan skin and white hair. Then I moved to Colorado and I missed the heat like an old friend I never imagined I would one day lose.
Now I hate the heat. I hate sweating from doing nothing. I hate being weighed down by the weather. I hate not being able to breathe. I hate the endless, hot days that feel like years with no rain. I hate that summer leaves as fast as it arrives. I hate that my old friend has become my enemy.
Three months long at all. Though it extends by a little in spring and autumn, this summer wind never fully cools down the long days.
Lower left side of my mouth,
right if I’m staring into a mirror.
It’s all in my head,
it only aches when I’m out of ideas.
When I’m writing, reading, watching tv, or eating,
there’s no pain.
None.
As if I’m in a bad dream.
But I’m awake because I can feel
my teeth clenching.
Weirdest sensation.
As if it’s telling me to be productive
instead of wasting the day
procrastinating.
I pass by a window where color is fading from
the sky in the west. I glance at the view but don’t stop.
The shift from day to night happens twice every day.
Somedays I’m more interested in the sunset.
Tonight, I’m not. My mind has me lost in other things.
Thoughts constantly being questioned and rewritten
a hundred different ways. I’m always working
on something. These mundane moments clutter
my days. I’m more aware of what I do to distract
myself. These distractions can be obsessive.
I’m trying to change my bad habits.
Limiting my time on social media.
Blocking sites for a certain amount of time.
Leaving my phone in another room.
Allowing myself distance to create new thoughts.
Thoughts that don’t revolve around current events.
Where I can create a moment in my head that
I will forget before I can write it down. Letting myself
wander without any restrictions gives me the freedom
to narrate my thoughts without thinking about what’s next.
Hello Everyone!
I’m Kelly Severseike and welcome to my new blog! If you’ve been reading my writing over on my old blog, hi! And if you’ve never read anything of mine and somehow found yourself on my site, nice to meet you!
I’ve been blogging for four years now and over that time, I’ve posted 180 pieces of writing! Tons of poems, a few essays, and a couple of stories. For almost three years, I have posted something every Monday! I’ve only missed one Monday and that was because I was on vacation and didn’t have Internet access! Blogging has allowed me to really hone in on my writing skills and hopefully inspire a couple of people along the way.
Photography is another passion of mine. I love capturing small moments and details that are often overlooked. I’m obsessed with sunsets, flowers, beautiful views, and my cat. On my website, you’ll see photos I haven’t posted anywhere else! I’ll update it every once and a while so be on the lookout for that!
Over the last couple of years, I’ve been combined my two passion and I’ve made two short films! Rotation is a poem with a series of moments shown along with a beautiful song. Torn-Between is a narrative piece that’s about a young woman in her early twenties coming to terms with the decisions she’s made and debating the possibilities of what her life could be.
I will be posting something new every Monday! If you want to receive my blog post in a weekly email, please let me know!
Thanks for stopping by!
Kelly
Kelly Severseike 