I’m surrounded by people. I do not speak.
I half-listen as my mind bounces around from one thought to another.
I catch words here and there. I clap and don’t realize I’m clapping.
Awareness allows me to settle into the moment.
It takes several tries and I’m still not sure I got it.
I check my phone. I turn off my phone.
I adjust my purse that’s resting on my leg.
I try to make sense of what is said.
When I recognize a word, I understand begin to get it.
I get down on myself for not being more educated.
I spiral, come back, and adjust within a moment.
I settle in, sip some water, and laugh when it’s appropriate.
My stomach gurgles. I decide to wait until this is over to eat.
I grasp what I want to hear and continue on my way.
I’m now talking and somehow unaware of my words.
My mind has wandered off, only vaguely keeping tabs on the conversation.
When I walk away, I realize I spoke too much,
I remind myself to be mindful to allow my mind to stay present.
The more I'm aware, the easier I can find a balance.
This is what I tell myself, hoping it will one day stick.