Cape Neddick, Maine. August 2019.
This is how I experience
a cycle of anxiety.
It's when my body senses danger,
and my mind springs into action.
It happens in a split second,
even when there's no danger to be found.
I become distant from my thoughts.
It's like I'm watching a movie
that plays the same scene on repeat.
When I was younger, I felt comfort
when in this headspace.
This was my safe place to escape.
Now I'm just annoyed that the narrative
doesn't go anywhere.
I have become aware of when this happens,
how this happens, why this happens.
I'm learning how to breathe through it,
I'm reminded that I don't live here anymore.
A cycle of anxiety passes over me
like a wave, I get lost in the current
for a split second, only to come up
and see I'm in an empty movie theatre
with the lights up.
I'm not who I was when I was younger.
I no longer live in these cycles.
I say hi every once in a while
when I'm bored or triggered
by trauma.
But I always find my way
back to myself.
These cycles are waves that pass.
My anxiety calms with my awareness
to know I have grown from
the stories of my past.
I prefer to remain
on the beach instead.

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