It's been a year of change, challenges, and triumphs. Little things build over time to lead to new, scary, and beautiful lives. I write these words at the end of the day, the last post Of this year, feeling more grateful than I have Ever felt. Knowing how I got here has been a big part of these Last few months, reflecting on my journey, Learning to let go of old habits, Loving myself through it all. Take this last week of the year to find Pockets of growth I can nurture and Flourish into the next year.
I hope you do the same. Cheers to the new year. It's going to be good.
Saturday morning a blank slate of a day I closed my door music in my ears happy to explore with no errands to run or people to see I felt the freedom of no expectations on me just a human, just a woman admiring the beauty surrounding me salt air in my lungs, sun in my eyes as I write this poem in my notebook sitting on a bench on the coast it doesn’t feel like December with this slight chill, soft breeze for that I’m grateful counting my many blessings as this year comes to a close.
note – the title of this poem is a lyric in the song “Little Life” by Cordelia.
the welcoming of winter begins with a firework show we watch from a balcony and marvel at the light shooting across the sky the sound hits us rippling inland through the blue-colored night being eye level with the spectacle is an incredible sight the glittery ones feel closer like I could reach out my fingers and grab a little magic lit from below the green and red lines bring joy to my soul I jump at the smaller mighty ones that cause a friction in my chest I brace for impact the way I once did as a kid expect now I don’t cover my ears the tiny reminders of growing out of childhood fears
On the 1st of December, I walked by the sea and came home sweating under my coat. Tonight, as I write this poem, rain pours outside. Its pounding on my window. I'm cozy under my blankets with the heating pad on my back and fuzzy socks warming my toes. It's been a week filled with both good and bad, feeling really thankful heading into the last month of this life- changing year.
I hear the wind before it hits me,
after a day of rain it comes in strong
shaking the building I am in.
I sigh as I lookout the window
through the darkness, I sense it's
whispers, years of secrets
I could never crack.
Not my story to share.
I watch the waves hit the shore
distracted by my own thoughts
playing on a loop in my brain.
I breathe in the fresh air
first time out today.
I stopped by the ocean
to appreciate the sun,
relaxing way to spend
a chilly Sunday in
November.
I write in coffee shops
I space out, my mind exited
to entertain some thoughts instead.
The beauty of a Saturday with nothing
to do but write and visit and
catch up on my life. The days where
life has less structure brings
joy to remember the things
I forget to do when I am too busy
focusing on going to the next thing,
day in and day out. Just breathe.
I wasn’t a beach person.
I hate sand, the feeling of it
Between my toes is less than ideal.
Being overheated and running out of
Water while lounging was always my deal.
Not choosing how long I was there
Caused me to be restless.
This was until I lived by a beach.
Paying attention to the waves
Making peace with the sand
Enjoying the nature of being
On the coast, something I never
Imagined I would be grateful for.
But I am.
I play games with people
They didn’t ask to join
But I can’t speak this word
So try and guess what I say.
I have hit a wall on this word
On this block, feels impossible
It’s stuck in my throat
My brain screams for me
To say this. I know it,
I know the damn word.
I know what I am saying even if
My tongue fails to produce it.
The struggles of an inconsistent
Stutter are the ups and downs
Of every conversation.
Unknowing how it will sound
Until I try to speak aloud.
I walk up the stairs
Moments of coming back
Every summer flash
Through my mind
And I start to cry.
The struggle to get
Suitcases up and down,
The many falls I took,
Slipping halfway down
Then sliding the rest of the way
Everyone asking if I was okay.
Little memories I will always
Hold dear will forever remain
In these walls. I loved it here.
My mother’s home, where
My grandparents raised
Four children who went on
To have children of their own.
We all will always have special
Ties to this place, to this home.
It was a constant
In my life for 25 years.
I visited every summer
This was my home
Away from home. And now
The chapter is closed.
Kelly Severseike 