Month 12

On the 1st of December,
I walked by the sea
and came home sweating
under my coat.
Tonight, as I write
this poem, rain pours
outside. Its pounding
on my window. I'm cozy
under my blankets with
the heating pad on
my back and fuzzy socks
warming my toes.
It's been a week filled
with both good and bad,
feeling really thankful
heading into the last
month of this life-
changing year.

Just Breathe

I write in coffee shops
I space out, my mind exited
to entertain some thoughts instead.
The beauty of a Saturday with nothing
to do but write and visit and 
catch up on my life. The days where 
life has less structure brings
joy to remember the things
I forget to do when I am too busy
focusing on going to the next thing,
day in and day out. Just breathe.

a little poem filled with gratitude

I wasn’t a beach person.
I hate sand, the feeling of it
Between my toes is less than ideal.
Being overheated and running out of
Water while lounging was always my deal.
Not choosing how long I was there
Caused me to be restless. 

This was until I lived by a beach.
Paying attention to the waves
Making peace with the sand
Enjoying the nature of being
On the coast, something I never
Imagined I would be grateful for.
But I am.

Blocking

I play games with people
They didn’t ask to join
But I can’t speak this word
So try and guess what I say.
I have hit a wall on this word
On this block, feels impossible
It’s stuck in my throat
My brain screams for me
To say this. I know it, 
I know the damn word.
I know what I am saying even if
My tongue fails to produce it.
The struggles of an inconsistent
Stutter are the ups and downs
Of every conversation.
Unknowing how it will sound
Until I try to speak aloud.

Memories Exist in Places

I walk up the stairs
Moments of coming back
Every summer flash
Through my mind
And I start to cry.
The struggle to get 
Suitcases up and down,
The many falls I took,
Slipping halfway down
Then sliding the rest of the way
Everyone asking if I was okay.
Little memories I will always
Hold dear will forever remain
In these walls. I loved it here.
My mother’s home, where
My grandparents raised
Four children who went on
To have children of their own.
We all will always have special 
Ties to this place, to this home.
It was a constant
In my life for 25 years.
I visited every summer
This was my home
Away from home. And now 
The chapter is closed.

star gazing

I looked up at the stars
and felt small.
Life gets put into perspective 
when looking out to 
the unknown.
The autumn breeze
blew against my skin.
I felt cozy underneath
my blanket.
I gazed up at
the universe 
searching for satellites
and shooting stars 
but only found planes
in a sea of constellations
and spaces not known.
The moon wasn’t around
leaving the stars to shine
bright enough over
the horizon
to be captured
in photos
taken on my phone.

happiness is

walking on the beach 
maneuvering as the waves
hit the sand
the fallen leaves on the grass
all colorful in their glory
dancing to my favorite songs
when everyone is sleeping
singing along to songs
I loved as a kid
in the car
long road trips
to my favorite place
gray days where
it’s warm enough
to not need a jacket
when walking outside
but cold enough
to where the crisp
in the air makes my skin rise
obsessively thinking
about a book I'm reading
trying to guess the ending
petting a dog in a store
that sits on my foot
as I try to walk away
okay, one more pet,
I simply can’t resist