Space For Me

My stuff is scattered around this house.
It looks out of place, like I’m trying to live
in a space not molded around me.
I have too many clothes to fit
into three small drawers.
The tea I drink sits on the counter
in a mixed-matched pile I haven’t organized.
Coffee cups are upright on another counter
because I have forgotten which cabinet
I found them in when I got here.
A random pile of things sit on a bench
by the dining table, haven’t moved since
I brought them here, my temporary place
with no space for me. I’m a person who places
things in spots, living on top of someone else's home,
never trying to make it feel like my own.

Written in the summer of 2021.

First Hour

The first hour of my day is quiet.
I take my medication and wait.
Sometimes I fall back asleep.
Sometimes I’m left with my own thoughts.
I reflect on what I dreamed, 
how well I slept,
what I want to write.
I’ve learned to leave my phone
on my nightstand.
I notice the light in my room,
how my muscles feel.
I move from one position
to another then back again,
my stomach filled with water makes weird noises.
The blankets piled on top of each other
keep me warm.
The cold winter air does not wreck
my peace of mind.

First Snow

Snow falls over the coast as
it moves along the ocean at a
glacial pace.
I stay inside all day under piles of
old blankets, trying to stay warm.
A new place with different snow,
two months later than usual
thanks to the warmer climate.
I appreciated the extended time
not worrying about the snow.
Many stores are closed, first storm
like this in the years, I learn from
the locals.
Good to know almost a foot of
snow isn’t normal, making up for
what we missed in the fall.

Bigger Picture

The best years begin on a Monday.
There’s something about
the possibilities of
the ways we move 
through time
leave me breathless.
How these moments pass
before we realize how precious
they were when we were in them. 
We were too busy
focused on meaningless 
details to appreciate
the bigger picture.

Christmas Endings

It's been a year of change, challenges, and triumphs.
Little things build over time to lead to new, scary,
and beautiful lives. 
I write these words at the end of the day, the last post
Of this year, feeling more grateful than I have
Ever felt.
Knowing how I got here has been a big part of these
Last few months, reflecting on my journey,
Learning to let go of old habits,
Loving myself through it all.
Take this last week of the year to find
Pockets of growth I can nurture and
Flourish into the next year.

I hope you do the same.
Cheers to the new year.
It's going to be good.

I Think I Like This Little Life

Saturday morning
a blank slate of a day
I closed my door
music in my ears
happy to explore
with no errands to run
or people to see
I felt the freedom of
no expectations on me
just a human, just a woman
admiring the beauty surrounding me
salt air in my lungs, sun in my eyes
as I write this poem in my notebook
sitting on a bench on the coast
it doesn’t feel like December
with this slight chill, soft breeze
for that I’m grateful
counting my many blessings
as this year comes to a close.

note – the title of this poem is a lyric in the song “Little Life” by Cordelia.

blue-colored night

the welcoming of winter
begins with a firework show
we watch from a balcony 
and marvel at the light
shooting across the sky
the sound hits us
rippling inland through
the blue-colored night
being eye level with
the spectacle is an incredible
sight the glittery ones feel
closer like I could reach
out my fingers and grab
a little magic lit from below
the green and red lines
bring joy to my soul
I jump at the smaller
mighty ones that cause
a friction in my chest
I brace for impact 
the way I once
did as a kid expect 
now I don’t cover my ears
the tiny reminders of 
growing out of childhood fears

Month 12

On the 1st of December,
I walked by the sea
and came home sweating
under my coat.
Tonight, as I write
this poem, rain pours
outside. Its pounding
on my window. I'm cozy
under my blankets with
the heating pad on
my back and fuzzy socks
warming my toes.
It's been a week filled
with both good and bad,
feeling really thankful
heading into the last
month of this life-
changing year.