happiness is

walking on the beach 
maneuvering as the waves
hit the sand
the fallen leaves on the grass
all colorful in their glory
dancing to my favorite songs
when everyone is sleeping
singing along to songs
I loved as a kid
in the car
long road trips
to my favorite place
gray days where
it’s warm enough
to not need a jacket
when walking outside
but cold enough
to where the crisp
in the air makes my skin rise
obsessively thinking
about a book I'm reading
trying to guess the ending
petting a dog in a store
that sits on my foot
as I try to walk away
okay, one more pet,
I simply can’t resist

Last Evening in Summer

I step outside around dusk
my mood instantly changes
the crisp in the air
causes my body to perk up
autumn is here!
autumn is here!
my favorite time of the year
I relish in this feeling
as the sun continues to drop
in the sky behind the building
I see the colors over the roof
and feel a bliss I can only
explain as genuine joy
the heat is gone
the cold has yet to arrive

Adjusting

I watched all summer long
the vines from the plant
outside my window move
from one side to the other
as it grew over the months.
The end of summer is here
and I find myself adjusting
back to my routine after 
time spent with family.
It's a bit jarring and
relieving to return back
to only me once more.
How easy it is to fit
into the mold of other
people's thoughts.
I am quiet when I am
alone, pulling apart
what is my idea from
those I had been around.
Their words appear in
my brain like a bad memory,
embarrassed by my tone
but grateful to be
able to grow.

Memorial Poem

In 2015, I wrote Grammie a poem for her 84th birthday. When she read it, she loved it. She asked me to read it at her funeral. She even kept a copy of it in her most important files for many years. At her graveside memorial on September 8, 2023, I read this poem. It was emotional but it was the perfect way to honor her memory.

Love you forever, Grammie.

For Grammie.

Her brown eyes shine
lighting up when she 
remembers little 
moments from her past

The love for her 
husband never faded 
he continues to walk
with her after he passed
for his soul 
never left her side

His chair sits next to hers
in the living room
facing the television
looking out windows
onto the busy road

Her children are grown
have kids of their own
generations continue
to grow and flourish

Time has flown by
over fifty years she has
lived in their home

Flower wallpaper guides
her up the stairs
memories fly by filled
with laughter from her
children all the way
down to her great grandkids

A missing spindle
in the banister holds
a memory that turned out
well but will never
be forgotten 

Not afraid to speak her
mind or share the wisdom
of what she's learned
over the last 84 years
quoting Shakespeare
never missing a word
from a line of a rose 

Yet she continues to
to let life surprise
her in unexpected ways
marveling at each day as
though it's all brand new

Her soul is beautiful
as well as the woman
I admire and love so

Originally posted on December 8, 2018.

Loop Around The Block

First long walk since having covid,
there were many moments while walking
where I wondered why I was doing this.
It was much more difficult than when I had
walked this road earlier in the summer.
But I pushed on regardless of wanting
to stop and be done. I literally couldn’t,
I was so far from my car I couldn’t stop
if I wanted to. I met resistance to 
Walking with kindness, I slowed my pace. 
I showed my body kindness as it tried 
so hard to stop. I let myself take 
photos of flowers and views 
because it makes me happy. 
I paused to breathe near the end
because I felt winded.

Late August

Laughter fills the night
As I say goodbye to my twenties
Stars barely visible behind the clouds
Should have been raining by now
And yet it was nice enough to have a fire
Then stand out on the dock
Reflecting on the day we had
The weather stayed nice for longer
Than the weatherman said
Feeling grateful for this moment
More than ready to begin my next decade
Anticipating where life could take me

Ode To My Twenties

A wise woman once told me
It doesn’t matter how old you are
All that matters is how you feel.
I have been reading my old journals lately.
I am not who I used to be
But the memories remain on 
The surface of my being.
I had a lot of strong feelings.
I love reading the passion I had for the
Ordinary, unextraordinary moments.
I spent a lot of this decade grappling
With who I was as a teen and how
Those defining years shaped me into who
I am now. All the good, the bad,
The no good, very bad moments
Explored in messy handwriting.
I don’t feel the way I did
In my early or even mid-twenties. 
But I do at the same time too.
I thought 30 was going to feel older
Than is does. I have heard many different stories
From people who have entered their 30s
About how they felt about closing one
Decade and starting the next.
Some felt a lot of anxiety or panic,
Feeling like they’re not where they thought
They would be. Others felt the weight of
Pressure from their 20s lift off of them
Once they hit 30. They learned to care more
For themselves and less for other people.
Some felt totally the same,
Just more settled in who they are 
As humans. I am a mix of all these
Feelings, all of these big emotions.

Summer Bliss

I soak up the sun 
on a Saturday morning
getting lost in my book 
as cars continue to 
make noise as they drive by,
I tune out the loud 
sounds of the street.
After several attempts 
due to my lack of reading 
interest, I finally found a spot 
where I can sit back and read,
the story I went to New York for.
There are so many lines
I underline with my pen
they remain in my head
going inside someone else’s brain
to understand my own patterns
the power of words on a page 
I sit there for an hour and a half
as people come and go.

Joy

Walking down the street
the magic of summer
fills the city
enlightens my soul
I feel the breeze
hit my skin
as I take the
long walk down
to the park
I got nothing
but time on
this gorgeous
morning in July
every flower
I see brings me
joy
walking down
new streets
I wander around
a bookstore
completely
at peace
my happy place
amongst strangers
enjoying the power
of the written word.