The sun sets behind the mountains.
Blue clouds linger
before fading into the darkness.
The house across
the street has its lights on.
It doesn’t look real.
It looks like a house on a stage
or on a set of a show.
I see no people in the windows,
maybe that’s why it looks out of place.
I shift my head to one side,
cross my arms
and wait.
Wait for life to pop up
or a light to turn off,
any sign that life exists
inside those walls.
No one comes to wake me
from the play forming in my head,
People dancing through rooms,
laughing,
yelling,
and loving.
Never fully understanding each other
living with a little bit of resentment,
a dynamic that plays in my head often.
I snap out of my daydream
and take a photo with my phone,
To remember this sunset,
to remember this peculiar feeling
formed from an offset image.
View from The GettyThe Road from Versailles to Saint Germain by Alfed SisleyStill Life with Flowers and Fruit by Claud MonetUnder The BridgeStill Life with Grapes and Other Fruit by Luca Forte View of the Grand Canal in Venice by Bernardo BellottoPerspectiveCandidDaisiesNeon RosesHappy Place 405My Homescreen BackgroundSunsetGolden Hour
The other day, I walked around Sunset Cliffs and people-watched. Here are some of the thoughts I had while I was there.
These people on the rocks were jumping in then somehow getting back up on the rocks. I wouldn’t jump in but I watched in awe from afar at those who felt brave enough to try. Everyone I saw jump in the water successfully made it back up.
Walking down here requires a trust in one’s own balance. I do not have that trust,
The people far out on those rocks looked like they were having a good time. I was worried they would slip. But the path to get down there was really steep so it seemed like they willing to take that risk.
People watching a sail boat in the distance while hanging their feet off the edge.
Talking to chickens like they are people.
Asking a neighbor to help deal with a bee.
Flinging bees out of a pool,
hoping they're dead.
Sitting on the deck with
a tea and a book.
Cloudy days.
Weekends
Saturday smoothies.
Marks on my cheeks from face masks.
FaceTiming with friends.
FaceTiming with my cat.
FaceTiming with my mom and dad.
Missing my cat.
Reading books.
Giving up on books.
Realizing rereading some books
takes away the magic I felt when
I read them for the first time.
Falling asleep to the
sound of Netflix or Friends.
Watching film and tv shows
about women writers
who could be gay in the 1800s.
Buying more crystals.
Browsing bookstores,
leaving empty-handed.
Blocking Instagram.
Having an idea.
Writing it down.
Not writing it down.
Watching YouTube instead.
Writing poetry.
Submitting poetry.
Enjoying my own company.
Remembering to drink water.
Remembering to wear sunscreen.
Remembering to reapply sunscreen.
Taking a different highway home.
Driving down roads with palm tress
on both sides never gets old.
I wear sunglasses at night
it's too early to go to sleep
my eyes are on fire
and there's nothing I can do.
I've learned frustration
only leads to defeat
and I won't feel bad
about something I have
no control over.
I sit on the bed
with the lights off
waiting for my eyes
to stop crying.
It takes a few minutes
but slowly they begin
to calm in the dark.
I know eye drops
make my eyes
freak out more,
rubbing them
isn't an option,
and light makes
them itchy.
It's an itch
I cannot scratch,
a fire that only
goes out with time.
I watch,
make do,
adjust,
stay calm,
breathe,
and remember this
isn't the first or last
time this will happen.
And this fire won't
burn forever.
I patiently wait
for it to pass.
The sun has zapped all of my energy.
I’m a shell of a human being.
Where did I go?
To sleep in my thoughts
while my body leans against a couch,
staring at nothing in particular,
wondering what time it is with
no way to check.
Only the simple questions
remain, emotions have been
drained from the my body,
leaving every interaction
feeling less than fantastic,
it’s something I will regret
after I say leave for the night,
unsure if the impression
I left was the one I wanted..
For so many years, I lived in fear
of what other people have to say.
I was always afraid of what
could happen if I spoke my truth.
If I shared something, what
would people think?
What would they say?
What would the inevitable
response be?
Recently, I realized it
doesn't matter what other
people think.
If they support me,
they support me and
I appreciate the love.
If they don't, it says
more about them than
it does it about me.
Letting go of the boundary
I had created out of fear
gave me more love and support
than I ever thought was possible.
I learned that telling
my truth isn't as scary
as my anxiety tells me it is.
I can put myself out there,
still have anxiety, and
feel extraordinarily grateful
all that the same time.
I can take down the boundary,
do the thing I'm scared to do
while feeling the fear,
and appreciate the beautiful view.
Both things can be true.
— no context schitt’s creek (@nocontxtSC) June 26, 2021
With just 45% of Americans fully vaccinated and only 16 states that have fully vaccinated more than half of their populations, health experts are worried about the spread of the highly contagious Delta variant. https://t.co/SmuldT6OuH
Sorry to that BookTok creator who didn’t want to read about lesbians, but she’s wrong. Here’s a reading list to remind everyone that lesbians have an important place in literature. https://t.co/Bcn0Ap0qmW
Kelly Severseike 