Mental Caverns

Moments that steal my breath
from my lungs, pull me out
of my racing thoughts,
stop the looping altogether,
are few and far between.
Mother nature’s beauty
often is the one thing
that can snap me into now.
These mental caverns
I crawl into without thinking
when things shift quickly
resemble the beauty with playing
the same scene of the same movie.
I dream of these summer days,
where I catch a sunset unexpectedly,
become enraptured with the shift
from day to night, these transitions
into the darkness are expected,
just like the different mentalities
within me, and yet the awareness of
moving from one state in time to
the next is something I stop
to notice. I am in awe of the duality
of the day the same way I am with
the different dualities of human beings.

Wish You Were Here

These days, I listen to Pink Floyd 
and drown out the thoughts 
trying to infiltrate my good vibes.
I embrace the sun and take photos of
what makes me happy — spring flowers,
seagulls flying over the ocean,
daydreamy clouds that let me
pass the time in peace.
I think of my grandmother,
how this place was her whole life.
She was the reason why I loved
visiting and now I drive down
the same roads she did long before
I was born, I miss her dearly.
I think of my friend who
who I play phone tag 
with no connection made lately,
that’s okay, we’ll catch up
the way we usually do.
The old radio starts the song,
the passage of time with people
we long to find along the way
as they fade off into
the back of our memories.

Momentary Beauties

The days where I am pulled 
toward the outdoors, 
I follow the steps 
in the sand where 
the water had been 
hours before. 
The mirrored reflection 
on the land 
leaves me awestruck 
every time. 
How incredible 
these joys are, 
appreciating these 
momentary beauties 
as often as I can. 
A reminder of 
all the possibilities
to come.

Little Joys

The colors of flowers bring me
More joy than I can state.
Seeing natural beauty spark
From nothing to something
Radiates my soul in a way
That’s difficult to explain.
It’s a reminder of change
And time, both moving
Forward as is life, that
Nothing is permanent.
These fleeting beauties
Will settle or fade
Into the summer
But my what feelings
The pull from me now.

Faces

The ways in which I view
My reality come to the surface
With each new day.
Some days are heavy and I learn
To sit instead of resist the way
In which my mind has learned
To operate, the protections
In place to keep me sane
While I wiggle room to dance
In the madness of my mind
Under the stars and screens.
Some days are light and I can
Comfortably carry the versions
Of myself with ease and grace,
Knowing the roles they played
Which made me the woman
I am today. With the inner critic away,
My thoughts are reorganizing
To become someone who can
Trust myself, to hear my voice,
To stop avoiding and start finally
Writing down what I have to say
Without fear of what I cannot control.

It’s Happening

Spring has finally arrived
only took a month to make
her debut in this humble year.
I embrace her fully as she
saunters into the day as though
she’s not held off her entrance,
leaving us all freezing for
far too long, leaving us questioning
if she was ever going to show up.
But she does and we thank her for it,
the birds sing in her sunlight,
people walk the beach and embrace
the calm before the storm,
the perfect in-between weather of
warmth and freezing. I soak in
her rays, knowing these fleeting
moments will soon be lost with
the wind and the heat of the
following season. Right now,
its a perfect moment. Be grateful
to experience change as
it’s happening.

Green Eyes

For Jimmy

I fell in love with your green eyes
the second I saw you.
I watched their vibrancy fade over
the years but my love 
for you never did.
You were a constant light in
my life, a source of comfort
when everything felt unsteady.
Your patience with your reality,
especially with the cat always sticking
his foot on your forehead
was unmatched.
I admired your calm exterior and 
related to your fluttering anxiety
at times when it would come
to the surface.
I will think of you often
and carry your light forward,
passing onto others 
how you made me feel.
Always a champ taking a paw to the forehead.

Bed Ridden

The crystals in my left ear 
kept me in bed 
for three days.
I hated screens, movement,

and the reminders of life 

outside my room.

I sought comfort 
in 
the sound of my fan

on my dresser and the darkness

sleep brought, which was more

often than not. 
It’s the only way

I could feel comfortable, 
drifting off

into sleep, avoiding all 
signs of anything,

not long enough to dream 
but enough to
 be
relieved from the horrid reality 
I was experiencing.