“I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” – Joan Didion
Walking down the street the magic of summer fills the city enlightens my soul I feel the breeze hit my skin as I take the long walk down to the park I got nothing but time on this gorgeous morning in July every flower I see brings me joy walking down new streets I wander around a bookstore completely at peace my happy place amongst strangers enjoying the power of the written word.
Arriving at the museum two hours before they closed on a Saturday night was less than ideal. It was jammed packed with people who loved to stand right in the middle of doorways or breathe too closely on the paintings. I had no other choice, I was only in the city for 48 hours. This was the only time I could go. I squeezed by groups of people from other counties and parents trying their hardest to entertain their tired children. The MoMA, my favorite museum. I love the galleries on the 4th and 5th floors, I could wander around all day if I had the time. But the clock was ticking and a weather warning for an impending storm sped my pace. I wanted to meditate in from of Monet's Water Lilies and admire Frida Kahlo's work. I was on a mission to find these artworks first, everything else could be seen after. I found Monet's paintings in a cold crowded room in a corner of the 5th floor gallery. The happiness was bursting from me when I saw it from the corner of my eye. I found a seat and admired the painting. The texture from his brush soothes my soul in an unexplainable way. Sitting there, I realized there are two types of people at a museum -- the ones who admire the art and the ones who photograph the art. I had spent the previous 25 minutes photographing paintings that captured my attention as I rushed by them. I must have looked like a mad woman. But I didn't care, I was in front of the painting I wanted to see. A painting that somehow calms me down the more I look at it. Except, the small room it was in kept on crowding in. I am not usually one to feel claustrophobic but the air felt heavy in such a cold room due to the number of bodies. The painting takes up three walls and there was always someone trying to get a photo. I snapped a few myself before sitting in another seat, thinking a different angle would help my discomfort. I sat near the entrance where people crowded. Restlessness took over and too soon I was off to find Frida's work. After some more wandering, I found a painting I was familiar with. Frida sitting in a chair with a shaved head, long hair covering the floor and music notes above her. I smile. This was the painting printed on my first ticket to the MoMA back in 2017. Good memories inhabit this painting for me. I feel at ease as my urgency faded. I saw what I needed to see. I wandered the gallery at a slower pace. Seeing more familiar works that had always been here mixed in with new pieces that had been added since the 5 years I was last here. Circling the corner, I was about to leave when I see another Frida painting, one I was unfamiliar with. Frida with a baby monkey stare at me. I smile bigger, the joys of unexpected sights left me breathless. It's the little things in life that bring me the most joy. Discovering something new from one of my favorite painters made my day. The little monkey's eyes warmed my soul. For a moment, I forgot I had anywhere to go.
My summers were filled with The light of your house, The sound of your voice, The smell of your cookies, The familiar rooms I always returned to. When my year was always different, You were always there to welcome us home, Our home away from home. I loved watching You tend to your flowers as my sister and I ran through the clothes hanging on the line To dry in the cool morning breeze. You passed your love of words Down to my mother and then me. Together, we would wander the shelves At the library then spend the afternoon Being entertained by books As we sat in the living room, Watching the rain fall outside. We would watch movies and Game shows after dinner. Your cat who was scared Of us would cautiously enter The room and make her way To your lap. I could hear her purr, Happy at home in your presence.
I sit in a crowded theatre next to people I don't know behind me are people I do know I turn around to see their reaction when I think something is funny this is the first time I have sat front and center in a crowd in years 15 minutes into the play I realize I am not worried about getting sick Like the last few years were a blip in the system and everything now is back to normal
I put coins in the meter Then walk down to the beach After a long day at work I just want to move my feet The day has been oh so hot My legs feel tense Standing in place Getting used to The patterns that Come along with being Some place new I remind myself to be Thoughtful and grateful While walking on the sand Low tide came at the Right time on this summer Night, everyone is out Enjoying the night Something in the air Just feels right
on a park bench under a tree facing the beach on the beach toes in the sand away from the sun under the sun on a chair in the grass on the grass by a campfire facing a lake next to lake in a camp under a lamp using a lamp to finish a book listening to the loons hearing the loons in early morning feeling at peace
For two days, I disconnect from my reality. Time moves slowly. I trace the sun across the cloudless sky, rising up on one side of the horizon then falling below the other. I read my book, write poems in my journal, and only grab my phone to capture this beautiful view. For the first time in years, I allow my skin to soak up the sun without hesitation or worry. I breathe in the fresh air, nap on the dock, and gab all day with my aunt about anything and everything while my uncle sits in his chair reading a book from the library. We go for boat rides, play marble games, and start a puzzle. We go for morning walks, drink wine at 2 PM cause it's 12 o'clock somewhere, and float the day away. Summertime bliss, feeling like a weekend during the week. A much-needed getaway
I walk by the ocean and breathe in the salt air. I can breathe easy here. I can walk for miles on roads and sand without hesitation. My body gets stronger with each step I take. I am not dragged down by the lack of oxygen. This is how I show myself love. This is how I heal.
1 car 2 People 1 daughter 1 mother 5 days 4 nights 4 hotels 2,300 miles 2 countries 11 states 1 province 2 audiobooks Countless Taylor Swift Songs 5 podcast episodes
“Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road.”
― Jack Kerouac
Driving across the country, I admire the different shades of green and welcome the warm weather. I follow cars and trucks along state lines, over the border to another country. I learn to pay attention to different speeds I never used before. The days blend together on the road, as I drive to the next chapter of my life, the possibilities await me.
Kelly Severseike 